I'm REFRAIN

With all the things I do to keep all cardiac, glands, adrenals or hormones at work 60/24 and escape awhile from all good things that bound to kept in a lovely memory chest, just like the fine sand that slips down in an hour glass, memories are too -although they’re plenty rough- in a hurry volunteering to be at the picture..

And Jose Mari Chan best describe it in this song..

I look out and see the rain
As it falls on my window pane
And the music that’s in my heart
Is a sad refrain
Endless traffic of sounds and lights
Midst the glitter of neon lights
Still the music that’s in my heart
Is the same sad refrain

Memories of you follows everywhere I go
Down the high and by-ways of my days
Music of your laughter fills my every dream
Like a love song from long ago
Never ending streams of faces come and go
Million different people all around
No use searching for I’ll never find you there
For you are far beyond compare

Take a jet to hideaway, from the humdrum of everyday
Yet the music that’s in my heart is a sad refrain
Fluctuations in the market scene
Fill my Dow Jones with every beam
And the music that’s in my heart
Is the same sad refrain…

Lalalalalalalalalalala ('_')

Ketsana aka Ondoy drowned Manila

When natural disaster strikes we anticipate the worst, yet the force of it overpowers our preparedness and well being. The devastating calamities hit South Pacific ring without much readiness and it happened in a row. It was so quick, in just a week many lives were taken.

Where could we run/turn to after this??

The overwhelming assistance coming all over the world to aid survivors of the tropical storm that flooded Manila is more of help. Kindred spirit that is.

Through UNICEF is just one way we could penetrate our figurative sympathy with them. Many of us who follow the deadly situation would like to extend our helping hand. Please follow the link patiently and drop an amount we think it could push the mission. (Thanks)

UNICEF gives immediate assistance to children of the Philippines affected by tropical storm Ondoy :: News Releases :: Media Center :: U.S. Fund for UNICEF - UNICEF USA

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when rain drops

Outside the rain begin again. We do have frequent downpour and windy summer here. Albeit am used to wet season back home it felt different to have rain around on summer days. It has been weeks that rained which is unusual to the season.

So to put myself in solace I keep repeating the old kiddie song, rain, rain go away, hoping it would really stop. Still the drop gets harder. I decided then to gaze for quite longer to the falling crystalline -like -rain. And before I knew it, I am being rushed to the altitude of nostalgia. I was caught unguarded. False hope envelopes the soul once more..yet just before letting myself fall again into dream without assurance here comes the wake up call...

Thanks FM radio for playing this momentarily...

..Just another lesson to be learned

Gotta move on and not lose faith

Just another obstacle to face

Live my life before it gets too late

I won't give up

I won't stay down

This is what life's worth living for

(Life's worth living for)

I still believe in love....

weighing happiness

The best of laughter comes out naturally when pain has finally subsided. (wink, It’s easy said.) Or am I just ostentatious to what truly emotion holds dear?

That said, I could say, I found the last few months enjoyable, full of laughter and excitement all throughout. It has been busy months aside from the usual things I do. If I feel like running miles, I hopped in into the mountain bike my cousin had given me and ready to shake-off the road. Parties are always around the corner that’s why weekends never end-up boring. As well as thrilling movies are never out of sight so no more room for sentiments. But then again people who are closed to my heart are still the most significant bearer of what happiness brings.

And I’m not just trying to escape the perennial feeling which undeniably wasted much of my time and energy. I do love experiencing new adventures and my guts says am ready to push trough. Although some adventures might be too risky, yet, I think there’s always fun at some point.

Nevertheless, others utter, happiness is generally caused by our own internal state of mind rather than an external event. It’s a great fallacy to constantly look outside ourselves for happiness.

..gone for weeks, now it’s back

I wanted to give precious change (a bit) to my blog as a treat for having been my hangout for more than a year. That’s why I decided to purchase and paid my own domain.

I followed the instructions on the blogspot settings, set and registered a domain myself. Then I found out days after that google apps registered it with GoDaddy.com. As far as I know, I bought it from google apps then why there’s this GoDaddy.com? So I chased my domain at GoDaddy and try to follow the long links to activate advance settings. Until I made a one wrong click and it turns out mess. I was really frustrated about it. The more, I’m getting anxious because I had a hard time registering it through my busy schedule. I called GoDaddy customer line and would get some help but still I wasn’t able to retrieve my registered domain for some reason. So if by chance you’ll find your way to GoDaddy.com, there you can see SHINEELLENMAYatCHICORIVER.com is for bid, auction and most of all it’s for sale at much higher price than I paid for it.

I am tongue-tied when I saw it and with that I’m so upset. Couldn’t think of a better reason to explain and give myself the right conclusion how internet really works. My consolation now is there’s this blogspot.com for free. (Although I feel sad to the dollars I spent for the registration, sayang naman :) ) So why would I leave it and bother to spend time with things without assurance?

Shattering silence

Now you’re more of a coward mum
I can’t fathom what this is all about
Been hoping for some time now to get back the least wink of your eye
Unfortunately all I got was more than a silence

You were the kind who always creates sound
Sound that brings smile to the depth of my heart
That made me feel you were just so near
Might come on wee hours or at my busiest time

Suddenly you are so silent then
It’s disturbing, worrying and weakening
Would you mind telling me please
Rather, I’d loose in your shattering silence

Go along to an Ox year

The wonderful holidays have been long overdue and so with this little place of mine have been in slumber too.
It feels like yester years were just an inch back away. The entrance of the new year was a numb to my senses. It doesn't bell any enthusiasm although I have things in mind what to eradicate and set goals to work for.
In spite of that, I found the sight of these chirping birds in a freezing-midmorning new year invigorating to the nerves. It really was an inspiring view to capture. More so when you are trying to mend an anatomy like of a jigsaw puzzle in broken pieces.
Thence let the year of the Ox roll-over. May it brings out the best in us and blow our way with enough fortune and good health.

away from home

Freezing weather, chilly atmosphere, cold breeze name it. Colorful lights can now be seen almost everywhere. The presence of Christmas tree, Santa Claus figure in malls, hung bright decorations, and joyous songs that lingers around significantly speaks of the big celebration that is just few days ahead of us.

Christmas time is here again. And being away from home for the second time make me wish am home. Yes, how I wish I would be home. I miss the mami at Plaza Burgos, the smell of freshly bake pandesal, and waking up early for the nine mornings. Likewise I cherished the choir singing, the activities with the youth, laughter’s, chatting and hanging out with family and friends.

I may be far away from home yet the festivity of this holiday season continues in my thought and in my heart.
***
May each and every one of us fall unto a wonderful Christmas!

Prisoner

I wanted to run the miles as fast as I could
Feel the pushy-embrace of the wind
I might fall on my knees on a hindered way
But at least it will shake-off unnecessary things in mind I hope
However, every time I set to try
Something is pulling me back out of the track

I wanted to fly and be with the birds up in the sky
Spread wings wide as an eagle does
Flap it and soar high
Fly freely, unoccupied and undisturbed
And if angels truly exist, I’d plea take all my sorrow away
Then bring me back down in a sweet lullaby

Yet I don’t want to get my eyes off to the emitted light getting in
An intense and reflected one
It emerges hope, vibrantly inspiring
I wanted to reach for it
I started crawling towards and hardly grasped, hurriedly escaping out of the detention
To my dismay in stupor, I was out guarded from an enormous come-back blow of emotions
Now I am back to the gloomy cornered cellar, dungeon, and jail of the past where I am a PRISONER.

solitude..

If letting go would be as easy just like the leaves of the trees that fell off naturally during autumn..

then there would be no more holding on just as the bare trees hardly hold the first touch-down of snow as early as November.

(photos originally uploaded by chico river)

Tracing stress and depression

I am the type of person that can fall asleep even though a snoring cousin would slept with us for an overnight stay, a loud sound of music in the background or there’s people chatting around.

I could sleep on buses, trains, more in a passenger jeep that is less comfortable.
All I want to do is to sleep, sleep and sleep. Most of the morning is a hard time to deal with. I always fight with laziness to get up on the bed. However I could stay awaked several nights working overtime to meet deadline of works.

It has been said that sleeplessness may associate with depression, fatigue, anxiety and so on. With that, I elevated some confidence and strongly believed I am not into depression or anxiety. All is well with me although tiny part within would like to declare I’m dead-smashed inside.

Lately I’ve read that according to David N. Neubauer, M.D, associate director of the Johns Hopkins Sleep Disorders Center, at least 80 percent of depressed people experience some form of insomnia - whether it’s difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep. It raises my eyebrows with much disbelief. Well then if that would be the case, I told myself I may belong to the remaining 20 %.

Also a latest study from Taipei Veterans General Hospital found out that woman who suffered dysfunctional voiding like frequent urinating is having a high level of depression and anxiety. Compare to other women without this kind of symptoms.

I started to experience frequent urinating two years ago at home. In and out of the washroom especially at night until I could feel my tummy hardened. I could say I am a water freak and this probably the reason of my frequent urinating. Yet I think the situation is getting worst this time. I had my consecutive medical check-up last year before leaving the country and had too early this year. The results were all blaze of glory over unexpected outcome. I am physically well. (Emotionally??)

Stressful environment and modern life style are perhaps contributing factor to high incidents of dysfunctional voiding. And dysfunctional voiding is more commonly seen in recent years, with an average age of 48 says Dr. Alex T.L. Lin of Taipei Veterans General Hospital, Taiwan.

Given the above review it gives me goose-bumps. Under some circumstances, yes, I think it’s not too far to be in state of stress or depression.

Thanksgiving Day get-way

Grab an apple a day and keep the Doctor away.



(my first apple picking)

Savored coffee

I was agog at the arrival of summer and expectantly enjoy the heat while at outdoor happenings. To my dismay, the supposedly dry and sunny summer turns strange. In most days a heavy rain pours at any moment with the usual frightening thunder which gives me the feeling of being like home.

Remembering the rainy season, when heavy rain or typhoon hits our place and all works or school cancelled, all I have to do is pretty sleep all hours long. Neither makes a hot drink and sits with feet held high as I watched the endless raindrop.

In the village where my grandparents used to stay, wet or dry season, humid or chilly, you are mostly ended up taking (brewed, no instant) coffee. No ice cold drinks or beverages. My stayed there during visits long years ago give me a thought which now I know it’s merely wrong. I was miss lead by the conclusion; maybe they drink coffee every now and then because it is the very least thing to do. That brings smile to the kiddy reasoning I was before without knowing how efficient and helpful to them coffee was.

While embracing the early chill of winter or may it be an after shock of that recently horrible winter and as we’re being amazed by the spectacular Beijing Olympics opening performance with lot sips of tea, I am being captivated with the message of this eye-opener short story of savory coffee.

*******
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit the conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in their work and lives.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups- porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the alumni had a coffee in hand, the professor said: “Notice that all of the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, which is the source of your problems that causes stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and even hides what we drink.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and then you began eyeing each other’s cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee, your job, money, and positions in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life.

The type of cup one has does not define, nor change the quality of life a person lives. Sometimes by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us.”

God makes the coffee, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don’t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
(Taliba)

Alongside Chico River

I grew up as a typical kid in a family where Chico River is approximately 150 meters away from the foundation of our house. We spent a lot of childhood memories in here. In the riverside we used to play kite flying, hide and seek, and running among others. We also did rafting with my brothers, crossing back and forth to the other side of the river, without minding that any moment the owner of the raft will arrive for we used it without permission. I could still remember how funny it was because we don’t know how but we learned hard so far. We are here most of the summer days to swim, dive, play and build sand castles. We have family picnics alongside too in a shady big tree. The river has a plenty of fish and we are fondly catching some barely handed.

I am even drowned accidentally in the place where mermaids used to stay as according to hearsay. That every time I came to remember it, I’m being frightened of the thought “hadn’t I survived I am no longer around in this world of fantasy”.

As our house is overlooking the river, most days of the year I am seeing the calmness of the water and its sound became a mellow music to the ears. The water mostly stays clean, clear and greenish and refreshing to the eyes. Our beloved town is really benefited by the gift of this nature. It is used as water and food resources. As well, a source of sand and stones for building houses, other structures, stone masonry and especially the on-going Suyo-Cervantes National Road.

I remember during our elementary years, our teachers used to inform us that the river we have is a winner being the Cleanest River in Region I in many consecutive years and runner-up entire the country.

Its head water is found in Mountain Province, it flows down passes through Cervantes and Suyo before it finally joins the Amburayan River then out to China Sea.

This river is no arguably breathtaking. Staring to its smooth and rough waves, bends and flows, I gathered some strength and enliven me unfathomable. I find it captivating especially I’m partly nature lover.

Through this simple blog I’ve created in its name, it is one in many ways a manifestation of appreciation and gratitude. Giving back some love and care to the river that inspire me in some ways and let me believed no matter how rough life is, “like the living water though first cut is the deepest it never runs dry.”

Good morning turns mourning

One sunny morning sometimes midweek of June a grandma greeted me with no fake a smile in her face and asked how my country has been doing. I answered back all is well with me and I’m hoping my country does the same.

I stretched out the devastation caused by the cyclone that hits Myanmar, the deadly earthquake which damaged Sichuan province of China leaving millions of people homeless with just an approximately 10 days apart of occurrence. Another earthquake follows on June 15 somewhere in northern Japan that caused landslides which buried another life to death. With emphasis and worry I add that those countries including Philippines are in close regions so most expectedly either one of the disaster will hit the country too.

After few days she approached me with sympathy regarding the news a typhoon landed in the Philippine Islands causing ferry to sunken, massive flooding, mudslides and more. With consolation she ended what we can do when natural phenomena occur. Yes what can we do I uttered.

The aftermath of it many people lost lives and shelter, farm crops were damaged and some infrastructures ruined giving the country another unbearable burden. I’m saddened and crushed with the news I did watch too.

The more that I’m lonely when I have known that our beloved President GMA insisted of meeting President Bush even though she know that a certain powerful typhoon was heading the country. She would rather please world leaders than her own people. President Bush would have understood had she cancelled the trip. I am even mourning when the presidential entourage as according to Val Abelgas includes contingent of her entire family, 10 cabinet members, two senators and 59 congressmen – would cost the people millions of dollars at a time when they are already wallowing in poverty. It is not that I’m not favorable with traveling but at times of crisis, people’s need and security should be the first priority. With that kind of entourage doubt will surely arise. Pleasure or business? I don’t think President Bush needs all the people in that trip.

Had only our government would sensible enough to see how its people living in hardship. If only wise enough to consider its citizens be benefited from what they worked for, not only just satisfying themselves from their own interest. How many more millions of people’s money would spend in extravagant travels? Do you need to impress the whole world when they all know the human violations you have been accused for?

Health myths: true or false?

My mother doesn’t allow me to read in dim light or in lying position, not to take bath during first two days of monthly period or carry heavy things and so many more beliefs. But I never listened because I have reasons too.

Pondering now on how my old folks stuck and lived their myths I want to admit that it’s a justification why they live longer. Because I still have two living grandmother proof in their 90’s who are much alive with their health myths.

Our olds tend to live on their beliefs and our generation keeps seeking for a scientific explanation to outlive those things and do live the present. But then whatever maybe our beliefs or myths if we think is good for us then I don’t find any reason to argue.

Here is some health myths listed by the British Medical Journal after their study that we often get it wrong. Our favorites from Chatelaine:

Drink at least eight glasses of water a day: INCORRECT. A 1945 article suggested that a “suitable allowance” of water for adults is 2.5 litres a day, but the next sentence in the article noted that much of it is already contained in the food we eat.

Reading in dim light ruins your eye sight: FALSE. Bad lighting makes it hard to focus, causes you to blink less and leads to dry eyes. So reading in dim light may be uncomfortable, but it doesn’t cause permanent damage.

We use only 10 percent of our brains: DEAD WRONG. “Numerous types of brain imaging studies show that no area of the brain is completely silent or inactive,” wrote the study authors.

Have a happy and blessed father’s day!

Since I’m not good in praying I copied prayer from Joanna Fuchs which I find completely inspiring. For my father and to the entire father out there as well from the deepest of me I sincerely pray;

Lord, please bless our fathers,
these men who mean so much to us,
who are greatly responsible
for who we are and who we are becoming.
Bless them for having the courage
to do what’s necessary to keep us out of trouble,
for making us do the right thing,
for helping us build our character,
even when it makes us angry;
and bless them for pushing us to do our best,
even when they just want to love us.
Bless our fathers for being our protectors,
for leading us through stormy times to safety,
for making us believe that everything will be all right
and for making it so.
Bless our fathers for quietly making a living
to provide for those they love most,
for giving us food, clothing, shelter
and the other material things that really matter,
for unselfishly investing time and money in us
that they could have spent on themselves.
Bless our fathers, Lord,
for saving some energy for fun,
for leading us on adventures
to explore the outer reaches of ourselves,
for making us laugh,
for being our playmates and our friends.
Bless them for being our secure foundation, our rock,
for holding on tight to us...until it’s time to let us go.
Lord, bless these men we look up to,
our role models, our heroes,
our fathers.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

Long live! Thank you very much.

"?!"

“Don’t be downhearted in the thick of battle. It is the place where all good men would wish to be.”

-Lester B. Pearson, Nobel Prize for Peace, 1957

***

If there’s one thing that needs to alter I think it would be from a mellow heart to being tough.

What it takes to be happy?

"Do what is good and what makes you happy. For if you are happy I too am happy."

What an admirable words from a man who tried to win one’s heart. And what a lucky lady to have a man around who humbled himself when an answer he got was sorry. He doesn’t have to win or own a heart just to be happy. Instead he remains modest, a sport one and a man who knows what love it takes.

He really is a man with a good heart but this can’t be seen nor appreciated when one premised herself in a castle where all she can see is her very own king.

Having been in struggling years of abandonment, into breaking all limits just to get one’s attention and when sour grapping is close to diminishing, I come to realize that what happened in the past wasn’t that bad at all. I now see what have come along. After all I am fortunate and loved. Aren’t those an enough reason to be happy? Considerably enough.

Changes in our job

It would be different when you started working with a boss who is definitely tight to rules; all in his mind is to end up with a high production in a day. Chatting for a while with your neighbor just to break the intense tak-tak of the keyboard when caught you will be punish. The more when he hears you talking or laughing out loud in the hallway, expect him to come in your desk and simply ask what you are working on for the day. When known that you are about to finish your duty before the deadline, you‘ll be given another enormous load until you can’t almost breathe to catch the day of submission. He never even mind had you stretch a smile of relief nor take a break to the comfort room. All he is is morosely irritable.

A year after the boss was replaced by not so strict one but fairly good at work. We can already relax our hands with a deep breathe without any hesitation. And open to frequently going to the washroom with a stop to the canteen to refresh.

Yes there is a big change in the working environment but as you were being trained/used to fast moving nature to being lax you’ll get bored most especially unproductive.

Changes come in different ways and gives distinct lessons too.

Changes in our job might be in a good package but usually comes worse. You might want considering these 6 tips for coping with change at work from Chatelaine:

Brace yourself. Like it or not, change is coming.

Get the facts. If your manager hasn’t told you everything you need to know, initiate the conversation. Ask what the changes mean for you. You need to know how you can prepare for what’s coming.

Wallow - for a minute. That’s perfectly normal. In fact, it’s the first step to coping with change. So allow yourself a little self-pity and anger.

Talk about the changes. Just try not to vent at the office. Open up to your partner, a friend or even a professional therapist.

Fake it until you make it. Put on a happy face and get a couple of quick successes under your belt to boost your confidence.

Think positive. Change can be a good thing; it can open up new opportunities for your career. But make sure you’re getting something out of it. If you think the change will be negative, break out the classified ads. Being proactive will keep you from feeling victimized.

Whether it’s a new cubicle or a new boss, today's offices are a place of constant evolution. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world. - dawn calleja